'Spare' by Prince Harry

It was one of the most searing images of the twentieth century: two young boys, two princes, walking behind their mother’s coffin as the world watched in sorrow—and horror. As Princess Diana was laid to rest, billions wondered what Prince William and Prince Harry must be thinking and feeling—and how their lives would play out from that point on.

For Harry, this is that story at last.

MY THOUGHTS:

 I was surprised it was only a two-month wait for 'Spare' to arrive at my local library for me. I'd expected far longer as this is undoubtedly the bestselling non-fiction title of 2023. There's a fast turnover, as I needed to get stuck straight into it, to return within two weeks. It took every day of that fortnight, since it's quite a chunky book with lots to take in.

Anyway, since the whole world has been shamelessly gawking and commenting about Prince Harry's life, I understand why he chooses to use the platform he never asked for to set the record straight. He says, 'I savoured normality, wallowed in it. For the first time I was just a name. Is this what other people feel like every day?' 

Harry first reveals himself as that 12-year-old boy who was denied the right to process his intense and sudden grief privately. 'I reached for my father's hand and then cursed myself because that gesture set off an explosion of clicks.' His mother's tragic and untimely death is the frame on which many of Harry's subsequent reminiscences hang. His experience, especially in those first few years after Diana's death, suggests that grief is a personality changer. After that pivotal event in his life, he couldn't sit still in a contemplative frame of mind or attempt to quietly read a book, because those moments were when the grief gremlins attacked him. We'll never know if he would have faced the world with a more peaceful mindset had she lived, for that trajectory was closed for poor Harry. It makes very poignant reading, especially whenever he refers to Diana's 'disappearance' rather than her death. He admits that a certain element of denial helped see him through, whether or not others may have considered it healthy. 

Nobody can dodge the controversial 'Spare' issue after which he named his book. Okay, as a fellow youngest sibling, I get where Harry is coming from. Being born last is in itself a trial. You grow up feeling marginalised and often find yourself a source of jest while the others watch you process things they've had several extra years to get a handle on. That all comes as part of the territory with Harry too, but with the additional gripe of feeling that who he was (the Spare) is a by-product of who he wasn't (the Heir). It's not a simple matter of being miffed because William had a bigger bedroom in the palace but a fact of life that cuts at his whole personhood. Other reviewers have scoffed at Harry's feelings, but whether or not we consider him a bellyacher, they are his feelings. 

For the bulk of his book, I greatly admire Harry. We have no idea how it must feel to be ever on your guard, second-guessing how every innocent gaffe might be re-shaped by the predatory 'paps' to present to the world. We know nothing of the 'fancy captivity' of a lifetime spent like this. Harry does his best to explain the bitter irony that's so galling to him; that the same unscrupulous vultures who twist the minutiae of his own life fail to keep the world informed about far more vital issues we all should know.

The parts other people have cherry picked were over-stated, as I'd expected. The flurry about the incident where he loses his virginity aged 17 is over in a passing sentence without any name mentioned. Come on folk, it isn't even an incident. The 'frostbitten todger' is hilarious, although admittedly I'll probably think of it whenever photos of William and Kate's wedding pop up, since that's when Harry suffered the painful ordeal. And as for mentioning his 25 kills in his military career, in Harry's own words, 'We were in a war, what did they think I was doing, selling magazine subscriptions?' Some people have mentioned possible repercussions on Archie, Lilibet and other children of Harry's down the track, but isn't the highly publicised fact that he was fighting in Afghanistan likely to call for care and discretion anyway? It's sad to think that he's being vilified for what is arguably a most sacrificial period of his life.  

I found Harry to be refreshingly candid and vulnerable in his approach. He isn't a bit superior or self-obsessed. On the contrary, he admits to feeling way out of his depth from as far back as his Eton schooldays and confesses non-stop, internal self-criticism. He's frequently embarrassed by his titles, as he considers them so unearned. Harry has a compassionate heart for wounded war-heroes and sufferers of panic attacks and other mental health issues, as he's sadly been there. He's a hard-worker, an empathetic sounding board, a brave and skillful pilot and an admirable ambassador for disabled athletes. He's also a sensitive and loving husband and father, and has now proven himself to be a fascinating, erudite author too. (Okay, I know a lot of the polish comes from Harry's ghost writer, J.R. Moehringer, who deserves kudos for helping Harry discover his own compelling voice.) 

It would have been a 5 star read for me, but I'm dropping one because of Harry's candid revelations about his brother, who he always calls 'Willy.' Heartfelt as they are, I flinched several times while reading them. I feel 'Harold' has crossed a line, placing 'Willy' in an awkward, no-win situation. Responding in kind, with a 'just for the record...' style approach is not an option for the future monarch, without using the sort of public pettiness his family has always stood above. Yet by keeping silent, William is consenting to being regarded by many as the petty prat who threw a hissy fit when his brother was allowed to retain his beard for his own wedding, to mention just one example. It seems the Spare wields a sort of freedom after all, in his regretful tell-all which the Heir could never get away with. 

I suspect what we get between the brothers is terribly biased and one-sided, as conflicts always are. Harry's side is clear and sincere as far as he can tell, yet Willy's side is bound to be completely different and equally compelling from his own point of view. The assumptions Harry makes, although completely true in his own eyes, may be far from the truth as his brother sees it. (For example, Harry assumes William is responding to the press when he calls Meghan rude and abrasive, but who's to say William doesn't feel himself to be perfectly justified and speaking from personal experience? The same event can be recounted by different people in ways impossible to reconcile. In Harry and William's case, they may both be real-life unreliable narrators.) 

Harry arguably leaves William no other recourse than to resort to their Eton schooldays and pretend he doesn't know him. Although this book, Spare is the result of hours of painstaking work, there's a thoughtless, reactive vibe about some of it, particularly so many of the parts concerning William. 

It's tragic to think this memoir might spell the end of the brothers' relationship. 'No one but Willy understood what it was like to live in this surreal fishbowl in which normal events were treated as abnormal and the abnormal was routinely normalised.' I'll bet if William were free to write his own memoir, it would be even more scorching in many ways, since the Heir surely bears burdens the Spare happily missed out on. 

One of the most repeated and memorable quotes is King Charles', 'Don't read the news stories, darling boy.' That's Charles' default approach, and I tend to wonder if his darling boy's book is now up high among the literature he refuses to read. (I think our king comes across quite sympathetically for most of the book, except for him and Camilla making deals with the media to twist certain matters in exchange for portraying them favourably.) 

Whew, my husband and kids are glad 'Spare' has now gone back to the library, as I'll stop talking to them about all this stuff. But I tend to regard this book as a generous revelation into a slice of history which anyone who keeps an eye on the Royals shouldn't miss. I'm sure it'll be up among my top 10 reads of the year. It's fantastically written and there's more I haven't even begun to discuss, including his relationship with other royals such as his grandparents (I would've liked to see more Prince Philip in these pages), his great Aunt Margaret (Aunt Margo), the Queen Mother (Gam Gam) and his Uncle Andrew, not to mention Meghan, the love of his life. But this review is long enough so I won't even go there.  

Think of me when we're all hunkering down watching Charles' coronation. 

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